Kill Your TV, Stupid

Ask yourself how many TV shows you’ve watched this past year. Go ahead and say it aloud. Did you do that? I can’t hear you, because I’m not there. Nor is anyone on the other side of that screen that most people spend hours every day passively staring at.

If you did say it aloud, you’ve passively accepted and obeyed a command from someone you likely will never meet. This is how watching TV works. This behavior, exhibited by over a billion people every day, is one of the many reasons why most people are stupid.

Apparently people do this voluntarily or we wouldn’t have prime-time television. If you choose to partake in this passive sport, that’s your freedom of choice to be among the many who just let life roll on by. I can’t remember the last time I sat down to watch a TV show, or what that TV show was! That’s not to say I’m stupid. We all do and say stupid things, but some of us to a lesser degree than others.

But it’s this passivity of watching TV that’s the problem. A TV is just a box with sound and pictures. It can’t grow beyond that or it wouldn’t be a TV anymore. And because people refuse to accept their passive behavior, realize they’re stupid, then they will never grow beyond the couch.

It’s not just time spent watching TV that’s stupid, either. It’s money, too! No, no, not the money you could be earning if you weren’t watching TV, nor the money that the TV itself cost. I’m talking about subscriptions to services that cost in the hundreds per month. I hear from people they’re spending well over $200 a month on TV alone! That’s enough to feed a family of four for a few weeks, if you stretch it out correctly.

So where’s the math in that? If you can save $200 a month for one year, and feed your family for an extra two weeks per each of those months, then don’t you feel stupid with that large TV bill? How many times do you need to see your favorite football team play, twelve times a year… for ten years. That’s $200 x 12 x 10… that’s $24,000! Bet you didn’t think of that math, no did you? You can buy Superbowl tickets for less than that, and have a once in a lifetime, unforgettable moment seeing LIVE football.

Does Experience Matter in Dating?

I have limited dating experience: two dates, where both were set up without my knowledge, neither of which turned out well.

I have an anxiety of being with a woman with a bad attitude, who is resentful and handles frustration like a toddler. It’s the reason I don’t want to have children, which in turn makes dating a little more difficult. The difficulty being, most people date to find a mate, to potentially get married and start a family.

It’s been two years since I wanted to start dating and, “what are you waiting for, man up!” and all that shit. Sorry, it’s not easy. Here are the reasons I’ve been hesitant to dating, or if you want to be cynical, excuses.

The Bright Sides

But, before we get into that, I’m going to mix things up: let’s start with the good things! That way, we start off in a better mood.

I’m aging handsomely. I’ve never thought I was ugly, nor has anyone called me as such (except my brother, but w/e). I don’t obsess with how I look, but I know I haven’t always looked this good to me. I also got most of my dental work done, which was causing me real pain for a long, long time. (Ever have abscessed teeth? I did, for four years.)

I’m getting better at judging what works for me and what doesn’t. For one, I like when a woman dresses up nice. A little makeup, a form fitting dress (or a mini skirt/shorts). I’m over the kind of woman you’d take home to mom.

I actually have money to spend on dating. Go figure, I’m sure money is involved somewhere. Though I’d rather use it for starting a business / marketing a product, I can spare some of it for fun and to support this thing that is important to me.

Expected Experience

Ever look for a job, only to see they want someone with five years experience? You just graduated college and want to start your career, but the doors have been shut on you before they were open. Maybe there’s a window you can climb into! You feel you’re up against a wall of impossible requirements.

I feel similar about dating. It’s an irrational fear that a woman doesn’t care for a man’s dating experience. Yet, there’s the factor of subconscious choice: the feeling that something isn’t quite right because it’s not what you’re used to, so you make a decision to change things, or end them as it would be in dating.

I’ve been working since I was 12, and full-time since I was 19. Combined with my insatiable desire to learn and be productive, this has left little time to even socialize amongst friends. Honestly, I wouldn’t even know where to take a girl out. Something simple, like dinner for a night date, coffee/tea for lunch date, or, if it’s a holiday weekend, an event outdoors?
Being able to come up with these ideas probably isn’t difficult, and I’ve been told I’m a great gift giver. (That means I think of and remember details of others.) It’s just, at my age (29), people have expectations.

Immediate Entertainment

I don’t mind being the one to get things rolling. I could ask simple questions, but that gets me stuck in the process of being dishonestly polite. You know, that sort of politeness you have to have with strangers and (if you’re in an office) professionals from prospective clients.
It’s called small talk, and I know how it works. The problem is, I’m not comfortable with it. I’ve always felt small talk to be dishonest because it’s deliberate. It dodges the point of dating by covering things up with boring topics that don’t support the purpose of dating: to find a supportive partner, someone to love, someone to have sex with, whatever your goal is. If the goal of dating was to meet strangers and keep them as strangers then small talk would be the best form of communication.

It seems like a stretch, but I’d rather a woman be like a Bond Girl: straight to the point and doesn’t waste time with what she doesn’t want. Perhaps that’s fantasy and women like that don’t exist, but that sort of honesty makes romantic communication entertaining.
I get bored and find it difficult to further a conversation if there’s nothing to go on except for the weather, if I want children or not, and what my plans are for the future. I want stimulation.

Sexual Experience

I’m no fool when a woman is trying to seduce me. Here’s the problem: only married women have tried. That, and before high school, it was easy for me to get close to a girl. Mind you, I’ve never acted on the married women (nor would I), and nothing happened when I was still a kid.
I recall a few things: first girl I kissed was when I was eight, and I would sneak up to her bedroom and make out for a good long hour. While her dad was home. Before high school, a girl I met just thirty minutes earlier had already invited me up to her bedroom, but her parents came home before the doors were closed. Just as high school was ending, I was went from meeting a girl to making out with her in the back of her car in less than two hours.

I don’t have a problem with intimacy, I just only want sex with someone I’m sexually attracted to. Which begs the question: is it my experience that’s limiting, or the woman I’m interested in?
Yes, I do consider the woman’s sexual expectations. No, I don’t judge her experiences and experiments, unless she’s into bestiality, I can’t do that. That’s just sick.

If she’s had bad experiences, maybe she’s less trusting to have more partners. Maybe she’s disappointed with the lack of understanding. I get that, and that’s one of the reasons I read the occasional romance novel, and non-fiction sexuality books written by women.
I’m not ashamed of my lack of sexual experience. I have nothing to be ashamed of, both experience wise and physically. I won’t brag like some college boy with a GPA of two.


I don’t like unfair judgement by others, specifically when compared to others. With this blog, people take the time to read my thoughts, and carry forth with a more knowledgeable assessment.

I don’t like being judged on the behavior of others. A woman I’m interested in, at least in looks, seems to most guys the kind of woman that’d be “up for anything and everything,” but I know she’s a respectable woman. She wasn’t quick to judge me, but I’m pointing her out as an example: there are guys out there who drop pick up lines and make assumptions of women based on how they look / dress.

This, unfortunately, can cause judgement on me to be pretty rash. A year ago I introduced myself to a different woman, because I knew who she was and she was standing right next to me. She thought I was trying to pick up on her, though I said nothing of the sort that would indicate interest. It illustrates my point that experience has an affect on my ability to show who I am.
I know it can be difficult for people to be open without judgement. I don’t expect people to be open to everyone. I know I’m not.


I’m still looking, hoping, wanting to love, date, and have fun.

5 Reasons We’re a Throw Away Society

The votes are in, and they have been tossed out in lieu of my conclusion of the top five reasons we, especially here in America, are a throw-away society.

#1: Everything is Made in China

Look to Americans to devalue products made from a land abroad. For all we complain of stagnant wages, we’re sure proud that prices are low, as low as the quality of products we didn’t even make.

#2: Plastic is Cheap

Plastic, an amazing invention, feels like the cheapest thing in the world. We make toys out of if, wrap our food in it, and some of us go so far as to infuse our tits with them, just to look a little better than the other chick.

Its immense versatility and infinite life span provides us the sense we don’t have to worry about it losing value. If one had to worry about their possessions, they would care for them, like their car. Thankfully, our cars aren’t entirely made of plastic… yet.

#3: Produce from Mexico, Pills from Canada

It shouldn’t surprise anyone the reason for low priced food and pills: they, too, come from abroad. Once upon a time, there was a farmer in Arkansas. That’s about it for that.

#4: Middle East TurmOIL.

Slipped a pun in there for ya. Speaking of slipping, did you know that Americans only value the oil they have at home? We fight hard to protect it, but not as hard as we fought to ship it in from the other side of the world. Where people live in the mountains, the sand, and houses made of rock, instead of wood.

Then again, it’s over there, not our problem.

#5: Clothes Made by Children

Child labor is an awful thing, so the commercials say. This one I don’t get. When was the last time anyone was proud to wear something made by a child other than their own? Nobody? That’s what I thought.

If we all made our own clothes, we could put an end to the apathy. Then again, most will stick to the good ol’ American way of “Who gives a shit?”

Software Engineering Made Me Smarter

I design systems for growth and to solve real world problems. What that means to the layman is, I get the job done, and I do it well. By connecting information, I discover and create tools that enable actions to improve professional and personal lives. Through fifteen years of software development, I’ve gained powerful insight to how people communicate and use the knowledge they gain from information.

This may sound like a sales pitch or a resume, but let me be clear: I am giving you insight into how my mind works; why I am effective in my work; why people enjoy my company. I find opportunities to connect the dots, to see the puzzle’s picture without looking at the box it came in, without expecting a solution to just land in my lap.

Connecting Information

I practice connecting information, in form and context, establishing relationships to bring about meaning. I realized this habit of mine halfway through college, and improve it daily. It’s a habit I’m thankful to have.

When I connect information, the focus of a large picture becomes clearer. I understand why one thing affects another, and why another thing would be irrelevant. This is often generalized as logic, reason, and math skills, that most normal people possess. I think of it as something better: a way to connect people and their behavior for improving lives.

A connected universe, world, or relationship, of actions, that share not only interests, but a purpose. Content and meaning combined in harmony. Realizing this picture for others is what I do to make a living. Each day, I connect the dots as a goal, my reason for work, and to grow myself and those around me.

I can feel my mind growing when I find patterns of related information between two things or processes. It motivates me to find more connections, and put those connections to use.

Creating Tools for Action

Tools that don’t solve a problem are useless. You wouldn’t hammer a screw to get the same result, just as you wouldn’t use an application that didn’t deliver what you expect.

In my work history, I find terrible implementations of otherwise great ideas, and fix them. People who didn’t know what they were doing and staved off getting fired, simply by finding a way to hold their employer by their neck. In IT, you find it happens more often then you’d like. My job would be boring without it.

That’s where I fix things, with honesty and integrity, so my employer can get back to what they do best: solving problems for their customers, and turning a profit. The tools I create have to work well, and by that, they have to be honest, truthful, and allow their users to take action.

If a time clock didn’t capture punches correctly, an employee’s budget will be off. When an employee’s budget is off, they can’t pay their bills on time. When one can’t pay their bills on time, creditors come by, canceling services and taking things away. If, however, that time clock worked correctly, one of two things happens: either the employee’s budget is correct, or we find an employee who has been abusing the time clock, thus abusing their employer’s trust.

Being able to connect information together allows me to create better tools. Tools that not only are fun to develop, but fulfilling to watch in action. I can experience pride knowing my efforts allow a business to succeed, be it to allow customers to place orders or something as simple as showing a raffle ticket number on a large screen.

Connecting Communication

The best, and often most amusing, benefit of connecting information, is when it applies to how people communicate; how they interpret the spoken word vs the written word; how people respond to non-verbal cues; how people feel safer being anonymous, for better or worse.

Spoken Word vs Written Word

People are prone to respond based on the emotion they feel. When spoken, it’s a transaction between the emotions of the speaker and the listener. When written, it’s mostly a reaction to the reader’s emotions.

Consider the phrase, “No way.” Spoken in an even tone, it conveys the message that the person is either saying, “no, I don’t want that,” politely, or “I need more evidence to believe you.” However, when the emphasis is put on either word, the meaning of the message changes.

“No WAY,” where the speaker puts more emphasis on “WAY”, it is interpreted as, “I’m amazed that just happened because I can hardly believe it was real.” (Watch Bill and Ted, you’ll understand.)

However, if the emphasis is put on the word “NO”, as in “NO way,” it means, “That is absolutely not going to happen, no matter what you do.” Rejection 101.

Three different emotions are conveyed. The first, “No way,” is one of a polite exchange in reasonable understanding. The second, “No WAY,” is how a child would react at something new they’ve never seen before, and is thus amazed. The third, “NO way,” is how a parent or child might react, in a means to protect themselves from a supposed threat.

Using this same phrase in the written word, we find that, either way it is written, it is difficult to interpret the emotion the writer wanted to convey.

The emotion from reading is often a reflection of the reader, not the writer. A crafty writer worth the ink in his pen will know how to control a reader’s emotion, often by tapping in to relative experience.

Thus, understanding this connection of how information is perceived, I know for certainty that developing relationships using the spoken word is vastly more effective than the written word. Could be why online dating is filled with guys who don’t know how to write but send endless messages anyway, and women have difficulty finding the “good ones” amongst the flood of terrible ones.

Supporting Others and Myself

A supportive view is what we need when we feel stuck on something. When I design software, and I’m sure it will work, and then it doesn’t, I can get a bit annoyed when I struggle for the answer. As an engineer I can’t run off expecting others to solve the problem for me; my skills would not be what they are if I did.

This insight has allowed me to discover what makes a relationship work: be supportive to help others grow, but never take the reigns from them. In the spirit of the coming holiday season, “Everyone wants to drive Santa’s sleigh.”

I’ve learned to ask questions that reveal connections of information, and when that happens, the solution arrives. The same can be said when supporting your friends, family, or lover. Don’t tell them what to do, help them find the answer themselves. When we arrive at an answer ourselves, we’re more likely to believe it and use it to motivate ourselves to action. It’s ours. We own it. And, those you support, will remember that you were there for them.

The key to any fulfilling relationship is to grow each other through support and sharing in knowledge and experience. So many of us do this in our professional lives, but don’t apply it in our personal lives. Father coming home after work and saying he’s tired, wants a beer, and doesn’t want to talk to anyone, certainly isn’t making many friends out of his family.

The skills I’ve learned as an engineer may seem like they don’t belong in love and relationships, but honestly, they are the best skills you can apply. The ability to connect information, such as one’s emotions with behavior and thoughts, far outweighs any blind trust and hope that “love conquers all.”

I listen openly to others, and I help them connect the dots. This is support at it’s best. It’s giving someone the opportunity to grow, become stronger, and tackle the problem head on without worry, if it comes around again. It gives them the strength that the problem won’t even be a problem.

Embrace connecting information. I do it every day, and it gives me satisfaction knowing I help solve real world problems, by giving the tools and understanding of information that would otherwise be choas.

5 Predictions for Google Glass

Carl shops wearing Google GlassI’m no fan of human cybernetic computer technology fusion, but I like to watch people fuck things up beyond psychological repair. Case in point: Google’s upcoming Glass. A headband for the new millennium that resembles a 1980’s sweatband.

So I came up with five predictions how Google Glass will be used to fuck people up further than technology already has.

#1: Diversion Twenty-Thirteen

For you art of conversation fanatics, be prepared to be psychotically annoyed at the further reduced attention these LeVar-Burton Star-Trek wannabes will give you. As if people weren’t distracted enough by their mobile vibrators with ring tones, now they’ll have it right between the two of you.

It’s like a five year old who jumps up-and-down between two mothers as he fights for attention. Shit will pop up and draw the other person’s attention; and they’ll do this willingly, because it’s customized to their needs. It provides a little more evidence how much they really care about what you have to say.

If that wasn’t bad enough, everyone will develop a nervous twitch in their eyes, as they constantly shift focus between you and checking if their pirated movie has downloaded. I know the insurance companies will jump on this and raise premiums; as if relying on technology hasn’t driven up medical costs enough as it is.

#2: Everyone’s Gone Fucking Nuts

I always thought guys who talk with hands-free bluetooth were fucking nuts. Now, with this visor for the The Next Generation, expect guys on the airplane to be secretly jerking off to the latest teen idols. Mothers will specifically ask that their child not be seated behind these perverts.

If you remember the movie Drop Dead Fred, be prepared for everyone to have an imaginary friend. You won’t hear or see their friend, but they sure can. And I can see the problems this will cause: children and young adults developing schizophrenia. Just what psychotherapists and pharmaceutical companies want: another reason to prescribe sessions and medication.

You know the more you practice something, the more it becomes routine, and normal. It becomes a habit. Do we really want everyone to have the habit of seeing things that aren’t really there? God! If he were alive today, Jimmy Hendrix would have a damn good reason to quit using drugs!

#3: Conversation Checklists

This is for people who can’t remember anything; another piece of technology to rot our brains by removing our need to exercise our memory. Now, everything we need to do, and everything we need to discuss, will scroll on a list that automatically checks itself off as we get through the day.

And, god damn! Will it get fucking annoying. You know how conversations go, from one subject to another, usually in a place it wasn’t intended? Like when you go from a board room presentation to rambling on how you should’ve killed your ex-boyfriend? Shit like that.

That won’t happen anymore; life’s little surprises are being taken away. The natural flow of conversation and thought will be killed and destroyed by the free-floating reminders ever present before our eyes. You think the government and political reform committees won’t get in on this shit? I can see every Chinese person wearing one of these real soon, and see how quickly they’re able to move toward a precious fucking democracy.

Everyone will be scientifically evaluating the conversations, one topic after the other, allowing their obsessive compulsiveness to overcome when they figit, fuss, and twitch, as the other person begins talking about something not on their perfect little list. Maybe an alarm will sound and the Glass will flash bright red, sending these newly vision-impaired jackoffs into a seizure.

#4: Increased Traffic Accidents

If you think Google Glass will reduce traffic accidents with finely tuned gauges of the distance between cars and surrounding objects, think again. Sure, it will do that, but most people don’t pay attention to the signs on the road that are already there.

You got drivers running red lights, stop signs, and cutting people off at ninety miles an hour while applying lipstick and mascara, because apparently, they need it for the 9:30 office meeting with that boss they think is a big fucking perv. You know, to gain favor with him.

When I use my turn signal to get around a slow moving vehicle, the guy in the other lane, who is hundreds of feet behind me, has the nerve to speed up. Fuck you, asshole! Put your vision assistant away and pay attention to the road!

It’s just another distraction, and soon after, we’ll need another law passed to fine people for one more thing. But, only after enough people have been killed; so when the second person dies from a Google Glass related incident, the government will pass something to calm the public’s massive outcry at this invasive and abused technology. Well, that’s America for you: blaming objects instead of ourselves.

#5: Idiot Awareness

You know, Americans and idiots aren’t always exclusive to each other, and with that, I saved the best for last. You see, at some point, an engineer out there will shock society into a tailspin of total fucking chaos with an application for Google Glass that measures a person’s intelligence.

From afar, you’ll know who to avoid, and why. A complete analysis of the person’s face, clothes, and haircut, will feed back data on the best way to avoid falling for their stupid shit. People already have the assumption that everyone’s an idiot, and with this new technology, we’ll confirm all that — up close and personal.

Speaking of getting close with technology, and avoiding idiots, I think women will benefit the most from Google Glass, at least when it comes to sizing up a man. Technology will make that easier for them: there they are, at the bar, getting a drink — because they can afford it themselves now — and on the screen is a radar of all the morons in the club: “I got to get out of here… the only person here who has at least an IQ over seventy is the bartender!”

Of course, it works the other way. Men will no longer be tricked into asking out a gold-digger. Right on the screen a gauge will show how much it will cost to take her out to dinner — for just one night — plus her living expenses, and the living expenses she wish she had, compared to the balance of his checking account. So, for ladies, it’s a catch-22: use your best judgement; most men will probably ignore it and think they can afford her anyway.

Are you ready for Google Glass and for everyone to run around looking at shit that isn’t there?

Interview with a Psychologist

Carl visits a shrink.
“I’m having trouble dealing with stupid, lazy people.”

In my never-ending pursuit of income, through employment or self-published works, I find myself kicking a wall of wannabe psychologists. Pure speculation, of course; but aren’t all understandings formed from observation and guessing? Maybe. Depends on which side of the tracks you put the train on, provided you understand the train is supposed to be on the tracks.

I’ve noticed a trend in interviewing and classified ads: a need to evaluate if a candidate is a “good fit” for the workplace community. That is, “one of us — one of us — one of us.” The interviewing process has become finite; or, put another way: people evaluating the personalities of others to see if they will conform to the company standard.

I can believe harmony is good for a healthy work place. But, with harmony comes slowed progression; if competing ideas are wiped out, then nobody objects to dumb decisions. Just ask the people of North Korea how well absolute unity has worked out for them, provided you can find your way around their well-lit village roads.

Has there ever been a habitat where species didn’t compete for control of resources? Lions eat gazelles; ants eat the carcase; and 500-year old Gollums eat the raw fish.

I’m put under a microscope operated by a three-year old. Interviews used to be a quick evaluation, that went a little something like this: “Here’s what we need you to do. Can you do it? Good. When can you start?” Simple, plain, and to the point.

Not anymore! Now every employee has to be on the same wavelength; jump in the same boat; a corporate cul-de-sac of feelings and cubicles.

These workers are easily agitated, irritated, and annoyed; a generation of let me stare at-my screen and I’ll get back to you when my app sends me a reminder. Don’t bother me, I’m busy tweeting, taking pictures, or sewing a digital pattern for the world’s largest online quilt. These people are a minor inconvenience away from losing their cool, and so, in order to stay in peace, nothing can be allowed to disturb them.

I feel that I may come across as too direct; something about carrying yourself with confidence can bother the crew. I wouldn’t know for sure, because they’re too timid to tell me. Maybe if I developed an anonymous web application and ported it to their cellphones, they would feel compelled to share.

I’m no longer amazed at this attempt to control the natural order. With the plethora of information society soaks in, and doesn’t really understand, even though they’re told what it means, from one opinion, I find myself subjected to an ignorant genius; an oxymoron, I’m sure, as most of these brilliant scientists just reference the all-knowing, all-wise, all-powerful Internet for their answers. Pay no attention to the man behind the database.

Like a library on fire, knowledge on the Internet is often as useless as a curtain without a window, so both might as well go up in flames.

I’ve actually had an interview where their head developer said, “If there’s something we don’t know how to solve, we search for the answer on the Internet.” Should have been a flag to me, considering it came from a company who specializes in serving the education community.

Maybe these psychotherapists have taken a class or two in understanding the human psyche. I did, and I like to refer to that class as Freshman P.E., when, at the time, my psyche was focused not on my physical education, but of the girls sweating with me around the track, on the field, or in the gym. Boy those were the times, weren’t they? A little smelly, but a — uh never mind; you’re not interested in unfulfilled repressed sexual fantasies.

But the psyche of a fourteen year old doesn’t interest employers, and as such, we grow our minds — hopefully — as we age. Some of us keep high school with us, others leave it behind, and there are a few who smoke it away during high school. Yes, by that I mean people who smoked pot.

I’ve grown weary of this need for everyone to be a shrink; to don a pair of glasses, comb over my personality as if it were written in stone at birth, and assume they know everything about me from their well-crafted evaluation.

I’m not a believer that genetics determine your physical manifestations of your psychological behavior; unless, of course, you have a disease like Parkinson’s, in which case, you have my sympathy. As someone who wants to be an actor and stand-up comedian, I know we can behave however we wish; but, of course, we are subjected to subconscious triggers that, from time to time, cause us to make decisions others may view as fucking stupid.

And that’s okay; stupid makes things interesting; without it, I wouldn’t know how stupid these interviewers are by assuming they, who don’t know the meaning of cognitive therapy, are capable of evaluating a person with questions they printed from a website.

Expressing Yourself

I spent some time last night across the stroke of midnight and wrote nine and 1/4 pages by hand of some thoughts about my childhood. It taught me that, expressing myself was something I haven’t done much of. Without writing the full pages here, this is a summary:

Holding my emotions, thoughts, and actions in, to avoid ridicule and criticism. I never had the kind of environment that was healthy for expressing myself. Teachers, my eldest brother, kids and adults in the neighborhood, and almost anywhere else. Anxiety has been a long part of my life.

And so I’ve realized, in the past nine years I’ve worked in offices, and other jobs before that, is you can’t express your true self there. For the most part in nearly any job, even the creative ones — that I’ve tried, such as Graphic Design — you’re not projecting an extension of yourself. You’re told what to do, what to create, and even how to create it; it’s sad, and inhuman.

I think it’s important to live a healthy happy life to express yourself, especially in places and ways you won’t be attacked with harsh criticism and vitriol. As we go through adolescence we gain some self-consciousness, and if we don’t fight this and get rid of it, we can, like I have for pretty much all my 27 years, can’t truly he happy.

I’ve always been afraid of living a life wherein I was never known for anything but being a cog in the wheel. Lost in the race. What happened though is I ran myself into this race without taking time away from everything. Bombarded with constant work and constantly trying to improve my work, I never learned I have to blow it all off. And yet, this is what I’ve done time and time again; with the six jobs I’ve quit.

Each time, though, I was immediately jumping back in based on the fear that I wouldn’t have anything; a place to sleep, something to eat, and so on. Some of you may know, or not, but my mother spends much time with the youthful homeless. She takes them to the hospital, doctors, grocery shopping, and other places, to help them out.

Their spirit is strong; they have nothing, but they’re happy. They’re free from the bondage of being employed in a place wherein they can’t express themselves. Some may say this type of life is horrible; but let’s not forget how many people were free during the summer of love. True freedom, I believe, and happiness, only comes from ridding ourselves of the binds that make us an extension of someone else.

It’s making it difficult to want to return to work, and contemplating just giving up all these material goods. I have a library of more than 100 books; movies and video games. This pressure to jump back in, just doesn’t seem like something I want to do anymore so easily. I need to be able to express myself, and be listened to. I think we all do.