Big Picture Show

There was once a time in my life where I cared about society’s problems. I felt a debate was worth it. And I should do my part and voice my opinion. However, through my twenties, I confirmed my suspicion that giving a shit about the big picture is a complete and utter waste of time.

I don’t care about drug use. I don’t care if athletes use steroids and their neck explodes. Not my mess to clean up. Feel free to legalize weed, crack, and meth. Not only will it bring us good entertainment on the morning news, it will let the species sort out the weak minded as they crash and burn harder and faster. If we want a real debate if evolution is real, I say, let’s witness it first-hand.

I don’t care about the privacy debate. If it means they get what they want, people will give information to the highest bidder or lowest cost alternative. Concerning Apple’s stance to refuse decryption of the iPhone of a dead terrorist: I don’t give a fuck. He’s dead. Justice has been served in the proper manner. He fought the law, and the law won. No further answers need to be.

The media and lawyers have convinced people that closure can only be achieved through a thorough understanding of the criminal mind. I don’t give a shit about the mind of a pedophile, a murderer, an arsonist, or anything else. In case you haven’t been tracking the news over the past thirty years, but this sad attempt at solving a bigger problem – preventing crime itself – is a complete waste of time. This attempt to understand, to know more, is worthless. Take a page from the old West: shoot first and ask questions later.

Apple to Capitalize Market with iMe

Apple announced today a new initiative to capitalize on the conceit of their growing fan base. Their latest device, the iMe (i-Me), will introduce a new wave of communication for those who are obsessed with not only the latest from the gadget maker, but themselves.

Among the features are:

  • A forward facing camera so you can take photos and videos of yourself, and play them back instantly.
  • An LCD screen that flips into a mirror, for those times when you’re charging your device, and you simply can’t wait to check yourself out.
  • An updated Siri that not only compliments your choice in restaurants, but your photos, videos, tweets, and offers random flirtations.

Fans are flocking to Apple Stores now. However, Apple wants customers to know that only those in possession of an iPhone, an iPad, and an iPod, will be eligible for the early release.

Asked why such restrictions were applied to the product, Apple had this to say: “We’d like to ensure our most dedicated fans, who are at least as dedicated to us as they are to themselves, will provide feedback about how good they feel about themselves after trying our new product. In turn, this will help us prepare the iMe for release to the general public.”

Continuing, Apple said, “It is our firm belief that those who are most involved with themselves, will have the highest opinion of their experience, thereby providing valuable market data, so that we may cater future product recommendations directly to individuals — thereby showing that we think of them more than ourselves.”

When we asked for an exclusive demonstration of the iMe, Apple’s spokeswoman replied, “Now, don’t you think that’s a little selfish?”

Comment Corner

I’d like to introduce a new segment I call, Comment Corner. It seems to me, that any time I post a comment on a news website, it goes unheard, or voted down unfairly by some dumb motherfucker. Instead of losing my opinions that pop up at that point in time, I will publish them here for y’all to read. It will diagnose both my comments, and generalize the comments of the article’s readers.

First up, Lt. Tim McLaughlin’s decisions to withhold his American Flag from being used as propaganda celebrating the most senseless and expensive war in U.S. history.

I’m not one to falsely believe in symbols, especially when rich white men parade them around. I think this marine did the right thing, by exercising his well-earned privilege to stop the media’s decathlon on creating a spectacle of death and destruction. As much as I like big explosions, and finding interesting and amusing ways for the species to kill itself, I do hope there could be some sort of peace.

Of course, when you scroll down to the comments of these military-related articles, everyone shows off their support for the marines, while bashing the government. But really, who is to blame for the killing; the government that orders the soldiers to do the killing, or the men who pull the trigger? Now before you get your patriot arrows out, I want you to know, I support anyone who’s willing to risk their their lives for the sake of a few misguided, theology based opinions. Makes us feel important, and at times, stops a real criminal.

Eye for an Eye, Justice is Already Blind

Okay, let’s start of with a little current events. I know it’s on your mind and the minds of anyone who believes anything the media or the press tells them. I’m talking about the issues of gun control and addressing mental illness in these psychotic fucks that have been killing innocents in broad daylight.

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t feel sympathy for these assholes, and I don’t want excessive gun control. In fact, I used to believe everyone should be able to walk around with a concealed weapon. But not anymore. And I don’t blame the people going on shooting rampages. Again, I don’t have sympathy for these assholes; I just know where to point the finger.

You know I’m no fan of public education institutionalization. And it is my firm belief that education is exactly where these problems emerge. There are people who actually believe if we understand the criminal mind, we’ll be able to keep them from committing crimes; that we’ll be able to stop them at the source.

These people are the real nuts. It doesn’t work that way. The more we understand about something, the less we fear it, and the more we welcome it as the norm in society. The more we’re subjected to something, the more it seems as the usual order of the day.

But, I have a solution! One I’m sure anti-gun-control advocates will love. The next time some psychotic fuck goes apeshit with a semi-automatic, you kill the bastard. Kill the fuck, in broad daylight. Hey, he has no problem killing innocent people, we should have no problem killing guilty people. We’ve got to be the insane ones if we’re standing there telling him, “Freeze! Drop that M-16 and put your hands up while I point this tiny state-issued firearm at your leg.”

I know what you’re thinking, “Well, gee, Carl, what about due process? What about a fair trial with a jury by peers.” Fuck that! You see this fuck shoot someone, you shoot him in the head. You do not give him sympathy. You do not yield. There is no white flag of surrender. I say: “Eye for an eye, justice is already blind.”

So, of course, the issue of gun control will come up. Oh, we have to control who has guns; we have to control them. Yeah, that works. Bullshit. Criminals don’t give a shit about the law; that’s what makes someone a criminal, not respecting and obeying the law. Any law you make will have no effect — none — on the ability for some asshole to get a gun and blow the heads off of innocent people.

Gee, I wonder where these psychotic fucks come from; they don’t just sprout out of the ground with their guns like an undead soldier. This isn’t something out of the Twilight Zone or Tales from the Crypt. These are so-called normal, well-to-do children. Have you noticed that? These young men over the past twenty years are not the same people the media would have you believe as a mass murderer. The media wants you to believe killers are gangsters, drug dealers, and terrorists.

Some of the most dangerous people have been anything but terrorists, gang members and drug dealers. Think about it. Most terrorist commit one act, and they blow up! They kill themselves in the process! No, most of these killers in the media have been young, middle-class, and white. And that’s why people actually give a shit today.

You see, when crack was introduced, it was all about crime in Chicago, New York, Detroit, and Los Angeles. The places where blacks were segregated by fascist government policies. The media turned a blind eye and refused to even give a shit about finding the psychological and economic reasons as to why gang members and drug dealers were killing each other. It didn’t matter to white people. It was not their problem because it wasn’t in their back yard. It didn’t apply to them.

But now, now that it’s the white man committing these crimes and dying, it seems to me that the media, the press, and the government actually pay attention. That now it’s time to put a control on guns; now it’s time to start looking at the mental illness and insanity of these criminal fucks. Now that the middle class is being threatened, the free, better-off middle class white majority, is losing their fucking mind, it’s time to fix the problem.

They didn’t give a shit when lower-class minorities were hurting. Wait, were? Sorry, I mean are. They still don’t give a shit about lower-class minorities. And I can guarantee you, if the economy was doing fine, you wouldn’t hear anything about gang violence; you wouldn’t hear about drug problems.

The real criminals are the sick fucks who have raped this country, turned a blind eye, and finally, finally! When things look like they’re really going to fall apart, they feel the need to fix it. Because, you know, if the middle class crumbles, then everything falls down with it. The middle class, who does all the work and pays the bills, supporting the upper class with massive profits, and the lower class with shitty government programs.

Proof Some Families Don’t Care

I just thought I’d share this sad story with you, and you might have heard it already. Two California teens allegedly drugged one of their parents just so they can use the wireless Internet after 10pm. Shit, they should’ve been in bed already. Anyway, here’s the article. (ABC News, Christina Ng). Read the story first, then continue.

My question to you is, which is more disturbing: The two teens drugging the parents for Internet access, or the parents having their kids arrested?

I vote for both, but lean more toward the WTF are these people thinking.

What Happened On, Oct 29th

In high school, I was a history buff. Then after high school, I didn’t give a shit. But, thanks to my new found respect for dead people, I’ve come to like history again. I’d like to begin with a new segment I call, “What Happened On.” This is where I take the events in history that happened on this particular day, and relay them to you, my fine reading and listening audience.

You got to love King James the first. He’s one of those kings of England that decided to send his own people to their death to appease another country. Amazing, because in today’s world, the English don’t do anything to appease anyone, especially their disadvantaged youth.

Walter Raleigh, Englishman that died.
Walter Raleigh, Englishman that died.

Now, back in the late 1500s to early 1600s, Walter Raleigh led several expeditions to South America to what later became known as the search for the city of gold, or El Dorado. There was a Dreamworks movie of that or some sort, that ended far better than this fuck’s fate. During his last expedition to find the city of greed, a company of men under Raleigh’s command ransacked a Spanish outpost.

Now, first, one might wonder, why didn’t the king thank him. Isn’t he doing him a favor by defeating someone who was trying to cut in on getting the gold? Well, I suppose that had something to do with foreign affairs or other stupid bullshit like that. The point is, when Raleigh returned to England, the stupid fuck, he was arrested and executed to appease the Spanish.

You got to love the English, because in 2008, the BBC reported him as one of the greatest Englishman who had ever lived. And folks, this was the guy who made tobacco popular in England. Tobacco, as we know, became the cash crop for the new world, along with another “crop” these English fucks thought they could contain. He also believed that an entire city could be made of gold, and was convicted and condemned to death, but let go several times to feed the king’s greed.

I enjoy technology. It just so happens today is the 43rd anniversary of the first message sent of the ARPANET, which would later become the Internet. A student at UCLA, of all the fucking places, sent a message from his computer to another computer waiting at the Stanford Research Institute. The next thought that popped into his mind was, “Wow, I won’t need my subscription to Playboy in thirty years!”

Holy shit that's a hurricane.
Holy shit that’s a hurricane.

Last, but not least, is something that has to do with current events. And I say current for two reasons. The first is that it’s happening right now, and the second is that it has to do with ocean currents. And by that I mean, in 1998, Hurricane Mitch, or bitch, however you call it depending on where your vantage point of it all was, dropped itself in the Caribbean, killing more than 19,000 people.

If you watch the news, please let me know how many people die in the current Hurricane Sandy, as I don’t even turn on the TV. Maybe I’ll check in another fourteen years, if Wikipedia is even still around.

Folks, I apologize if you’re affected by the current Hurricane Sandy; you know this is just humor, and it’s all bullshit. Please read the disclaimer.