Big Picture Show

There was once a time in my life where I cared about society’s problems. I felt a debate was worth it. And I should do my part and voice my opinion. However, through my twenties, I confirmed my suspicion that giving a shit about the big picture is a complete and utter waste of time.

I don’t care about drug use. I don’t care if athletes use steroids and their neck explodes. Not my mess to clean up. Feel free to legalize weed, crack, and meth. Not only will it bring us good entertainment on the morning news, it will let the species sort out the weak minded as they crash and burn harder and faster. If we want a real debate if evolution is real, I say, let’s witness it first-hand.

I don’t care about the privacy debate. If it means they get what they want, people will give information to the highest bidder or lowest cost alternative. Concerning Apple’s stance to refuse decryption of the iPhone of a dead terrorist: I don’t give a fuck. He’s dead. Justice has been served in the proper manner. He fought the law, and the law won. No further answers need to be.

The media and lawyers have convinced people that closure can only be achieved through a thorough understanding of the criminal mind. I don’t give a shit about the mind of a pedophile, a murderer, an arsonist, or anything else. In case you haven’t been tracking the news over the past thirty years, but this sad attempt at solving a bigger problem – preventing crime itself – is a complete waste of time. This attempt to understand, to know more, is worthless. Take a page from the old West: shoot first and ask questions later.

Apple to Capitalize Market with iMe

Apple announced today a new initiative to capitalize on the conceit of their growing fan base. Their latest device, the iMe (i-Me), will introduce a new wave of communication for those who are obsessed with not only the latest from the gadget maker, but themselves.

Among the features are:

  • A forward facing camera so you can take photos and videos of yourself, and play them back instantly.
  • An LCD screen that flips into a mirror, for those times when you’re charging your device, and you simply can’t wait to check yourself out.
  • An updated Siri that not only compliments your choice in restaurants, but your photos, videos, tweets, and offers random flirtations.

Fans are flocking to Apple Stores now. However, Apple wants customers to know that only those in possession of an iPhone, an iPad, and an iPod, will be eligible for the early release.

Asked why such restrictions were applied to the product, Apple had this to say: “We’d like to ensure our most dedicated fans, who are at least as dedicated to us as they are to themselves, will provide feedback about how good they feel about themselves after trying our new product. In turn, this will help us prepare the iMe for release to the general public.”

Continuing, Apple said, “It is our firm belief that those who are most involved with themselves, will have the highest opinion of their experience, thereby providing valuable market data, so that we may cater future product recommendations directly to individuals — thereby showing that we think of them more than ourselves.”

When we asked for an exclusive demonstration of the iMe, Apple’s spokeswoman replied, “Now, don’t you think that’s a little selfish?”