Risk Talking

Introverts lack social tact on what to say and when to say it. That’s a benefit. Introverts gain the advantage over those who can’t stop talking: We surprise and shock others when we do talk.

When I feel it’s time to express myself, sometimes I give it a second thought, but that’s where I draw the line. Then I just do it and live with the fun or consequences. These are the things that make life exciting.

After waiting more than a year, I expressed something to someone because I wanted an answer. It wasn’t gentle and I got that answer, even if it wasn’t what I had hoped to hear. I may have awoken something in her. I may have shaken a monkey off my back: that I have been holding myself back from taking risks.

It’s a challenge for introverts to gauge timing, which is a big part of social tact. Saying something you feel is important, and others feel shocked, can hurt a lot. It often makes you not want to express yourself anymore. You feel misunderstood, not important, and all that depressive crap.

I won’t drag on with all that. What I will do is go into how not having tact is a blessing.

By not having all that social tact, you are actually more free to express yourself than people who adhere to the unwritten, unexplained rules of communication. You’re free because you’re not holding your thoughts and timing to a standard, situation, or method of delivery.

Often people like to ask me why I don’t talk often. I just don’t. It’s not something I practice, so therefore, it’s not something I do. It’s not that I’m not a good communicator: it’s that I don’t inhibit my communication when I do talk.

Then they say, well, that’s not polite to just say what you want. Truth is, it’s more polite to be honest, because honesty builds trust. Even if it hurts. Changing what you say and how you say it is along the same lines as lying. The risk here is that you’re slowly building up walls of dishonesty, waiting to crumble down at a later date.

I’d rather be honest, shocking, and have people resent that, than to be surrounded with fake people who can’t express themselves.

You don’t have to be nice about it. Sometimes, people need to know you’re not feeling happy with something. Enough of this nonsense of everyone hiding their bad feelings so everyone has a good time, and everything is just fucking fine.

I want to love a woman I know. I want to support her and make love to her every day. I want her to be strong and independent, and still be loved by someone. If I didn’t say anything, if I didn’t take the risks, she would still only have a few clues as to how I feel.

So, the other day, I said screw it, and told her exactly how I felt. Yes, it hurt, and yes, it may have caused some friction that perhaps wasn’t there to begin with. Or maybe it gave light to that friction, and made her finally express what she wants and doesn’t want to me. Maybe she needed that.

I’ll never know, unless she’s willing to take those risks with talking with me. In my experience, women don’t do that, cause they’re just as afraid as I’ve been. It’d be a real surprise, and would restore my faith in people if she did.

You Should be in a Bad Relationship

In my glorious pursuit of love, people give me advice of their plethora of dating experience. According to these men about town, failed relationships and bad dates provide a steel barrier to deal with the tough shit of being in love. In order to get to the good stuff, you have to sloth through the shitty gritty.

Worse words would have been said. While what I want is romance like a desert rose, I must be delusional: I’m required to lose my mind through a field of cactus pricks.

According to the mentors of everlasting love and lust, I should look to date, fondle, and fuck, one woman after the other, until I’ve had my fill of breaking hearts and hips. Last time I checked, women prefer dick moves to stay in bed.

I’m reminded women put up with shit relationships for a long time. Hope. Belief. Trust that it will improve. Some day soon, right? Leaving women feeling like a Disney Princess wronged, men have confused being entertaining through comedic insults and competition with being a douchebag. How the two get mixed up I’ll never understand: one makes you a dirtbag, the other cleanses the body.

Disney Princesses don’t exist today. They lived in a different age, when men had to be gentle to women, or they’d get the shit beat out of them for even reaching their hands toward places it didn’t belong.

Today, you’re a wimp if you’re a true gentleman. You’ll have a difficult time being in a relationship, and it’s because you won’t be any good at shaking your hips like a monkey with a hard-on. It’s because, if you are a gentleman, then women suspect you’re looking to chain them down to being a wife in a brick house with a white picketed fence.

Today, you’re stupid and weak, for being a feminine woman. Your subservient behavior to look soft and beautiful is an insult to every woman who had chucked her bra off for that one boy in high school who later ignored her in the halls. Shame on you for being strong, confident, and beautiful with grace.

I can’t don’t want to understand how people can believe that relationships are just bad. That they just are, and they’ll one day find someone who gives them a good one.

I’m of the idea that we should seek to give good relationships, not demand them. Who are we to deserve something we wouldn’t give away? Selfish, that’s all. That’s all seeking something so precious from someone else is. We should be willing to give what we don’t have to get what we want.

It’s a creative endeavor that requires will, not experience. Experience is nothing. Will is everything. The will to continue pressing on for what you want. What I want is a good relationship; not a stack of, “Oh, fuck, why did I do that?”

It wouldn’t do for you to have read this far without an answer to how you could have a good relationship, so here it is: right from the mind of a young man who’s never been slapped across the face, kicked in the balls, or been duped into giving himself over to someone who didn’t deserve it.

Rule #1: Do more than just listen.

Any idiot can hear what their significant other says. It takes a lover to hear, feel, remember, and do something about it. Even if you don’t fulfill every wish, every desire, and want, of the one you love, what’s important is that you remember. People want to be heard. They want others to remember them. And it gets more important was we grow older. With other friends having children, careers going in different places, we begin to grow apart. By taking the effort to remember, and try to put into effect, the things your lover wants most, you are validating their existence while what they once thought could never end, is drifting apart due to general course of life.

I can’t say for certainty what it’s like to give much attention to someone. That’s because I’ve never had taken made the chance it happen. I’ve had chances, but didn’t take them, because I’ve been afraid of so many things. I realized, thanks to a good, dear friend of mine, I have to like myself before I can like someone else. Therefore, I had to learn to listen to myself. Now that I am more connected with myself, I feel I can truly connect with someone else. That’s what happens when you listen.

Rule #2: Don’t Stroke, Pet

Most people know how to stroke someone, be it for pleasure, personal gain, or simply to piss them off. Strangely, people have no problem rubbing their hands on their pets. Like a cat that purrs because it is content and comforted with the gentle touch along its back, your lover would be to. Mind you, this is emotional, not metaphorical.

We’re often surrounded by things that are dramatic and intense. It’s advertising. It’s Hollywood. It’s exciting and enticing because our lives are just so damn boring. We’re not super heroes, and it doesn’t take a man of steel to comfort the one we love. Sure, some women prefer a bit of raw steel from time to time, but it can get cold. Hearts are warm, regardless of the temperature in and around us.

Humans crave the touch of another body. It lets us know we’re alive, that we are a part of not just the world in our minds, but that of another. A light touch is better than a rough one. It’s science, baby: nerves are more sensitive with less pressure.

Rule #3: Words Matter. Talk Like a Gentleman with the Art of a Woman.

We go through many experiences in life, and we describe them. In words we understand. In words we communicate to others so they’ll understand. We associate good experiences with the words and sounds we hear with them. We do the same with bad experiences. Take the time to understand what turns you on, and turns you off, with the words you say.

I believe, if one can, one should write. It helps put things into perspective. It seems the art of leaving love letters has been replaced with dropping texts on cellphones like, “Wanna huuk up?” What the fuck is “Huuk?” Apparently, spell check is covering your ass for paying attention. And what a sad choice of words. Sure, some women will want a hook up, but that doesn’t mean you have to be the one to say it.

What I mean, is you should write from the heart. Don’t be afraid to use romantic words. Don’t be afraid to use long, romantic, complicated sounding words. Women aren’t stupid. They learn these words from all their giggling girlfriends as they’re passing through puberty, long before you even became aware of the enticing power of linguistics to a woman’s land down under.