Bad Job Interviews

I thought I’d share my job interview experiences with y’all. Just to give you a bit of insight where I draw my material from. I’m currently pursuing finding a job, which really sucks because that means less writing and other creative things, that could lead to not having to have traditional employment.

I so wanted to say that, and I can only stay polite for so long with such jerks.
I so wanted to say that, and I can only stay polite for so long with such jerks.

In the first of these (I only have one at the moment) I’d like to talk about my most recent interview, which happened a few days ago. It was for a Web Developer position, at, let’s say, Greed Industries, specifically, their advertising department. Now, I don’t know what the advertising / media industry is like, but if it’s anything like what I saw a few days ago, I’m not sure I really care much for the people who work in it.

My first sign that this wasn’t going to go well was the office door was locked, and the window shades were down. I was thinking, “Fuck, are they closed?” Nope, they were open; in fact, someone peeked through the blinds, and didn’t open the door for about another couple of minutes.

Second sign: the guy who opens the door doesn’t say a word to me, so I introduce myself, and tell him I’m here for an interview. First thing he says, “You’re a half-hour early, and the guy who’s supposed to interview you isn’t here yet.” Actually, I was fifteen minutes early, which isn’t horrible (but, then again, people are becoming more obsessive compulsive about minor inconveniences).

After about thirty seconds of awkward silence, the guy has me come in, and then sits me at an office table, where, supposedly, they hold their meetings. So far, eh, run into one person who’s a bit of a jerk, but that’s okay. Can’t get it all. While I’m sitting there, I hear the owner over the phone with one of his clients, customers, or whatever, and he curses at them. Sign number three.

The fourth sign comes when the guy who answered the door decides he’ll stall for time, because the guy who is supposed to interview me, still hasn’t shown up. I really didn’t need that; I’m a patient person and can wait for hours for someone to show up.

Then, the fifth sign, the sign that sealed that I wouldn’t want to work there. During the questions from the first guy, he interrupts my answers with stuff like, “I don’t care about that,” and, “I really don’t know this stuff. I’m just stalling for time.” Yeah… no.

Finally, the guy who is supposed to interview me shows up. Sixth sign comes in, where I overhear the first guy talk about the answers, basically making it seem like I don’t know anything about frameworks. (Anyone who knows me knows I know them, but I rather write all my own code — so it’s clean, secure, and efficient. You know, like a real developer should.) The interview with this guy goes good; he’s a cool guy. And I get the sense that, the reason why he’s leaving, is the first guy (who happened to be his direct superior).

So, really, I think it went pretty stupid. The first guy didn’t give a shit, and the second guy just wants to get out of there in a professional manner. I’m glad I got out of there when I did (about an hour after I arrived).

The Day I Stopped Eating Fast Food

Death of Fast Food

This year, I have not had a single bite of fast food. I’m still alive, feeling better, and have retained control of all the functions of my brain. If there was a statue built about one event in my life this past year, it would be that of a chef standing with a giant fork plunged into the neck of Ronald McDonald.

I think the term “fast food restaurant” is an insult to real restaurants everywhere. They’ve tried to change the term to fast food establishment, but as you know, euphemisms don’t work on me.

The term restaurant derives from the French word restaurer, which means “to restore.” If you’ve eaten fast food, you know the only thing it restores is your body’s fat content.

Let’s continue this lecture with 10 comparisons of real restaurants to fast food. I take my experience from working in fast food (for six months, then I quickly left that “profession”), and the restaurants I have eaten at.

1. Restaurants have waiters who deliver your food to the table. Fast food has drive-thrus where you wait an eternity because the customer ahead of you doesn’t understand the basic rule of a healthy diet is to only eat what you need.

2. Restaurant patrons, who pay more, handle complaints about their food gracefully. Fast food goers, who pay less, handle their complaints with bitter anger and resentment.

3. Restaurants send you a bill after your meal, in case you add more to it. Fast food requires you to order everything beforehand,and half the customers change their order at the pick-up window.

4. Restaurants provide utensils with every meal, while most fast food is eaten with your hands.

5. Restaurants fully clean the table and chairs after each patron is finished with their meal. Fast food leaves globs of mustard and straw covers on the table.

6. At restaurants, you eat your food on dishes. At fast food, you eat your food on waxy paper or Styrofoam.

7. At restaurants, there might be entertainment in the form of live music or stand-up comedy. At fast food, the entertainment is the customers’ insane demands.

8. Some restaurants require reservations. At fast food, customers have no reservation in their opinions.

9. Restaurants cook your food when you order it. Fast food cooked it hours ago.

10. Restaurant ads showcase their food and dining rooms. Fast food ads showcase models and athletes, neither who would eat fast food.