Romance Novel Titles

I’ve never read a romance novel in my life, but I do enjoy romantic comedies; but only if they’re more comedy than romance. Then again, sometimes, I think they’re the same thing. Anyway, here are some wonderful titles to titillate your imagination:

  • The Big Richard
  • Burning the Midnight Chlamydia
  • In the Bossom of Syphilis
  • An Out-of-this-World Guide to Picking up Chicks: You’re From Mars, and She Wants Your Penis
  • Gonorrhea With the Wind
  • Dances Under the Balls
  • That Bitch What Stole My Hotel Key
    • Part 2: That Bitch What Stole My Wallet
    • Part 3: That Bitch What Stole My Gun
    • Part 4: That Bitch What Stole My CarAnd the final book:
    • That Bitch What Died and Who’s Father Turned Me InWait, there are prequels!
    • That Bastard Who Stole My Innocence
    • That Bastard Who I Locked in The Community Bathroom at a Cheap Hotel
    • That Bastard Who Couldn’t Fix His Car
    • That Bastard Who Had No Money
  • My Special Robot
  • Burning with Denial
  • Porch Party in the Boonies
  • Falling Into My Mother-In-Law’s Trap
  • Blue Balls of a Sunday Moon
  • A Game of Pricks and Pole Dancing
  • A Bride’s Guide to Cheating
  • A Husband’s Guide to Ignoring a Cheating Wife
  • A Wife’s Guide to Ignoring Decades of a Cheating Bastard
  • Kiss of the Clap

These are just thoughts passing through my mind.

Update (7/27/2014): I have read several romance novels since I wrote this.

The Difference and Similarities of Books and Computers

I like books and computers. Through my experience, I’ve discovered books and computers have similarities and differences you may not have thought of.

Books and computers don’t work when wet. The pages of a book get soggy and fall apart as you turn them; the circuits of a computer get drenched and short out.

A book does one thing and does it well. A computer does a million things, and hardly any one thing well.

Ten years ago, a nine year old could read a book, but knew nothing about computers. Today, that same kid can use a computer better than most adults, but won’t take the time away from Twitter and Farmville to read a book.

A book has some information that can help tremendously. A computer can access the Internet with a wealth of cat videos, photos of drunk parties, anonymous comments on news stories, none of which helps anyone.

The process of making a book:

  1. Grow a tree.
  2. Cut down the tree.
  3. Shred the wood.
  4. Mill into paper.
  5. Print on the paper.
  6. Bind the paper.
  7. Read the book.

The process of making a computer

  1. Grow a bunch of rocks over thousands of millenniums of bombardment by meteors, comets, and cooling lava.
  2. Spend tens of thousands of man hours drilling, mining, sifting, and sorting rare metals from the Earth.
  3. Study all branches of science over thousands of years to construct a device as large as a room of vacuum tubes and giant mechanical switchboards, levers, pulleys, and fans.
  4. Reduce said device each six months over the course of sixty years until it’s about one-third the size of a book.
  5. Charge said device to read a digital book on it for a few hours, in which case we need to charge it again and wait.

Cost of a computer: About $1,000.
Cost of a book: About 25 cents, used.